Proposal

Ok.. So I am all up for arranged marriages but this one was such a blow to my self esteem. So I know how people say oh looks don’t matter when you get married and blah blah blah.. But I think it sure does when it comes to first impressions and attraction overall. Looks of course depend on your perspective however that being said my man who ever it may be needs to be at least a 8 on a scale of 1 – 10 based on international standards.

Waking up to prospects of a marriage proposal ain’t fun. Especially when you have not even had breakfast and just woken up on Saturday. My mother had met with some Aunty down our lane who had mentioned the prospects of a proposal to this good Anglican boy (WTH just coz I am Anglican I obviously get matched with an Anglican and a good boy like what the hell is that?) who is engaged in such a job and yada yada yada.. I will refrain from mentioning his job prospects just so that I don’t sound snobbish.

Marriage is a cover a protection for a girl and not something that she has to have. It should be something that enhances her life prospects and wellbeing overall and not drag her down. These aunties I tell you.. honestly.. just because your single doesn’t mean that we are dying to get married to every Tom Dick and Harry. Plus I mean I am going to sound like a snob when I say this but given that I am already someone who has a very low self esteem with regard to my appearance and size lo and behold when I saw his Facebook profile my heart shattered. He did not look at all like my type.. Like it was soo bad.. And I know I was asked by one of my friends to not call people ugly but he looked like soooooooooo bad. Like I don’t know.. God created everything so well but this was just not my type of creation ok.

I felt so bad for being paired with or some actually thought of someone like that as a good partner for me. Like may be now to think of it I am not at all up for this arranged marriage shit.. Like may be I want to choose who it’s going to be like a good hunky type with some form of intellectual profession on his resume. Yes I sound like a real snob for saying all of the above..but this is the rest of my life we are talking about may be I should have a say and be absolutely blunt and brutally honest. Someone who compliments me and not someone who drags you down.

Lesson of the day ensure you have good selfies if your single and your parents are arranging your marriage.. I might be checking your profile out..

Damage

When you think things are just perfect and going your way, life throws a whole shit bag at you! I mean it just keeps getting stinkier and stinker..

Think I posted about this gawd-awful thing one of my so-called friend did to me last year.. and actually deleted that particular post as it would give my identity away! 😛 But however.. I just have to post about this now.. it keeps eating into my soul every single day I keep quiet about it! This post however is not going to be the one that reveals the big-what-happened!!

So after almost about years of silence and weirdness.. my nerd freak high school friends have decided to ‘contact’ me and ask me why I have pushed them away and how I have failed to keep in touch and with how they are not taking sides and all that jazz that girls tell, when they have no other drama in their lives.

Being a ‘Drama Queen’ myself.. I too didn’t let this chance slip away and basically told this particular friend of mine to shove it and also accept the fact that I am NOT the only one to blame in all of what she was accusing me of being. So far it has been two days, and no reply at all guess the message went through that I don’t tolerate bull shit they throw at me anymore.

I loved these friends soo much, but when these things happened.. I assumed they had taken the side of this other girl who was also my friend. It was wrong of me to do so, I agree. But things have been falling apart from way before that. Every time I met with one or a few of them, others always had something to say about it because they fucking didn’t even make an effort unless it was for them. Also I had lost touch with almost all of them.. because honestly just couldn’t be bothered going behind people who didn’t give a shit. I felt like I was the one to always go after them and make an effort to still be friends.. plus they also had this bad habit of discussion others in the clique behind their back.. which I too was apart of.. which these people all deny.

And in the mean time I found friends who actually made an effort to be friends. They would come to see my concerts and do little surprises.. although little they actually made an effort to be friends! And just the same I too made an effort the same way to do so.

Today I was added on some thread, and I honestly don’t understand.. but I guess when you are singled out what ever you do becomes rude! But I deleted myself from that particular thread and explained to one of the friends why I won’t be able to make it. But it was taken to be very ‘rude’.. I mean honestly fuck all of you for judging me for what ever I do.. I don’t think I have to explain what I do.. anymore.. I live and do the fuck I want to do! I am soo mad rights now it’s not even funny..

I honestly don’t know how to react to situations like this anymore.. who is wrong or who is right.. it’s just all a blurr.. I just don’t want to get hurt and get all messed up like before.. and I don’t want to feel like I don’t have anyone on my side.